Being an Ally Requires Speaking Up

Cathie Leimbach • May 17, 2022

"Courage matters more than niceness", says Austin Channing-Brown. She speaks up for justice, for diversity, equity, and inclusion.  She believes that everyone has someone to offer and that all of us deserve to have opportunities to feel valued and appreciated.  She believes that it is our responsibility to help others be positioned to contribute to the world around them rather than being continually sidelined, marginalized, and battered.


However, in our society today there is unspoken and spoken pressure to just get along - to just keep quiet and not rock the boat.  Yet, when we turn a blind eye to inappropriate behaviors in our homes, workplaces, and communities, we are allowing people to be hurt and our culture to erode.  As Channing-Brown says, "Speaking up for others, for orderly meetings, for the bullying to stop, is disrupting the 'safe' norm".  When we turn a blind eye to disrespectful words and hurtful behaviors, we may be maintaining social and physical safety at the moment, but our tolerance silently gives others permission to continue, and even increase, their negative actions.


It's not okay to put up with ineffective and disrespectful behavior.  Yet, it takes courage to go against the norm and do what is right.  Being 'nice' is often not being kind.  People are often described as nice when they are agreeable; they are stuck in neutral and don't offend or argue.  On the other hand, being kind is showing that you care about others, that you have their best interests in mind and you support them towards a more fulfilling life.  


In her book, Radical Candor, Kim Scott shares that due to having a 'nice' culture she had to close her small business.  Nobody in her company spoke up when an employee did not do their work well; rather than offend the underperformer, they redid the work.  Not having tough conversations with a pleasant employee wasted everyone's time, became frustrating for all, and prevented the business from being viable. 


Channing-Brown encourages everyone to be allies in making a difference in organizational and community diversity.  Marginalized people generally don't have the connections and resources to influence systemic change. Causes led by one person rarely make meaningful headway towards changes in organizational systems in government, businesses and non-profits, neighborhoods or families.  Allies are needed in the cause.  Society will benefit from strong allyship.  (This is a new word for me, too.) 


"Allyship is a life-long process of building supportive associations and relationships based on trust, consistency, and accountability with marginalized individuals and groups. An ally actively promotes and aspires to advance a culture of inclusion through intentional, positive, and conscious efforts."  Do you care enough about living in a strong, vibrant community to practice allyship in your organization or community?  Do you have the courage to speak up even when it means upsetting the unspoken norm?


When you see someone being marginalized due to race, gender, education, economic status, disability, life experience, etc., I encourage all of us to have the courage to speak up for them.  Go to bat for them to be considered and supported.  When you see someone speaking up for the marginalized, support them.  Speak up in the moment.  Go beyond words and take action.  Ask others to join the cause of creating organizations and communities where all people have opportunities to have a meaningful life.

The Deadline Only You Knew About

By Cathie Leimbach • October 20, 2026
"When you get a chance." Kelly meant Wednesday. Alex heard next week. The report needed fixing. Alex had said he'd take care of it. So, when she opened the file before Thursday's meeting, she expected to see the changes. They weren't there. "I thought you meant next week," Alex said. "And I wasn't sure which sections you wanted changed." Kelly was frustrated. This wasn't the first time something had slipped. But as she replayed their conversation, she remembered what she'd actually said: "Can you tidy this up when you get a chance?" She had a deadline in mind. She knew exactly what needed changing. She hadn't told Alex either one. The Symptom Missed deadlines. Quiet resentment. The thought, "This isn't the first time." It's hard to hold someone accountable for an expectation that was never stated. Too often, when a leader’s expectation isn’t met, they think, "my team members just don't follow through" or "I shouldn't have to chase people." Yet, the problem is often that the leader didn’t communicate clearly. Requests like "Keep me updated," "Make this a priority", and "Be more proactive" may feel clear in your mind when you say it. But others may leave the conversation with a very different picture in their mind. Then, leaders are frustrated when the result doesn't match their intention. The Tip Healthy accountability starts with a shared understanding of what needs to happen. It continues when you follow up on what was agreed to. Before you finish your next conversation about a task, make sure you've settled four things: What needs doing What the desired result includes Who will do it When it is to be done by After you have clearly stated your expectations, ask the other person to state the specifics of the assignment. Give them an opportunity to raise questions or discuss competing demands. Kelly could have said: "Alex, please update the sales figures and add a short summary of what's changed since last month. I need it by Wednesday, October 28, at 3:00 pm so I can review it before Thursday's meeting. To be sure I explained the task well enough, please state what I asked you to do.” “What challenges might get in the way?" Then agree on what happens if a problem comes up: "If that timing looks too tight, let me know by Tuesday so we can work out the next step." Now there's a commitment you can both refer to. If Wednesday comes and the report isn't ready, Kelly can address it directly: "We agreed it would be ready by 3:00 today, and I haven't received it. What happened?" Clarity won't prevent every missed deadline. But it increases the chances that everyone is on the same page – and that your expectations will be met. When leaders make expectations clear and are open to employee questions and concerns, accountability becomes part of how the team works. Quality results become the norm. Conversation is Where Leadership Happens™ Do you wonder how to make your expectations clearer or how to avoid frustration when holding others accountable? Join Us on November 16  Join our Workplace Conversations Clinic on November 16 to practice setting clear expectations and following up when things slip. You could also have a chance to practice difficult conversations within your team. Reserve your place → HERE

They Can't Read Your Mind. Tell Them You Appreciate Them.

By Cathie Leimbach • October 13, 2026
"I thought you knew I appreciated your work." Kate hadn't planned to say those words in a one-to-one. But when a team member told her, "I'm never quite sure whether you think I'm doing a good job," she was caught off guard. He was someone she relied on. He helped new colleagues settle in, handled difficult customers calmly, and often spotted problems before they got bigger. Of course she valued him. Then she tried to remember the last time she'd told him, and what she'd actually said. There was a quick "Thanks, everyone" at the end of a meeting. A "Great work" in a team email. But she couldn't recall ever telling him what she had noticed about his contribution. Kate had been worried about rising absences and a team that seemed less involved. Praise wouldn't explain or fix every issue. Still, this conversation raised a question she hadn't considered: how many people on her team were feeling their efforts weren’t noticed or appreciated? It's easy to assume people know we appreciate them, especially the ones who quietly get on with the job. We turn our attention to whatever needs fixing, and we don’t acknowledge the people who are doing good work. Meanwhile, people who never receive thanks start to wonder if they are noticed, pull back, stop offering their ideas, and start job hunting elsewhere. Try this week: Look for one contribution each person on your team is making . Tell them what you notice about their work and why it matters. Instead of simply saying, "Good job," try: "Thanks for staying ten minutes past shift change to walk Jamie through the new changeover on Line 3. She now knows exactly what to do instead of guessing." Three elements of meaningful praise are: Be specific. Name what they did and the effect it had. Keep it natural and proportionate. A quiet word can mean a lot. Recognition doesn’t have to be in front of the whole team. Let it stand on its own. Don’t add a "but" or a new request right after the positive feedback. Sincere, specific praise helps people feel seen. It builds rapport because you're showing you notice how they contribute, not just whether the task got done. And people are more likely to speak up and share ideas when they feel heard and connected to the people they work with.  Conversation is Where Leadership Happens™ How often does your appreciation go unspoken? Join our Workplace Conversations Clinic on October 19, 3:00 to 3:30 PM, live on Zoom. You'll practice giving praise that feels natural and helps people feel valued. You'll also have the chance to practice other difficult workplace conversations, from raising concerns to working through disagreements. Reserve your place here!