Being an Ally Requires Speaking Up

Cathie Leimbach • May 17, 2022

"Courage matters more than niceness", says Austin Channing-Brown. She speaks up for justice, for diversity, equity, and inclusion.  She believes that everyone has someone to offer and that all of us deserve to have opportunities to feel valued and appreciated.  She believes that it is our responsibility to help others be positioned to contribute to the world around them rather than being continually sidelined, marginalized, and battered.


However, in our society today there is unspoken and spoken pressure to just get along - to just keep quiet and not rock the boat.  Yet, when we turn a blind eye to inappropriate behaviors in our homes, workplaces, and communities, we are allowing people to be hurt and our culture to erode.  As Channing-Brown says, "Speaking up for others, for orderly meetings, for the bullying to stop, is disrupting the 'safe' norm".  When we turn a blind eye to disrespectful words and hurtful behaviors, we may be maintaining social and physical safety at the moment, but our tolerance silently gives others permission to continue, and even increase, their negative actions.


It's not okay to put up with ineffective and disrespectful behavior.  Yet, it takes courage to go against the norm and do what is right.  Being 'nice' is often not being kind.  People are often described as nice when they are agreeable; they are stuck in neutral and don't offend or argue.  On the other hand, being kind is showing that you care about others, that you have their best interests in mind and you support them towards a more fulfilling life.  


In her book, Radical Candor, Kim Scott shares that due to having a 'nice' culture she had to close her small business.  Nobody in her company spoke up when an employee did not do their work well; rather than offend the underperformer, they redid the work.  Not having tough conversations with a pleasant employee wasted everyone's time, became frustrating for all, and prevented the business from being viable. 


Channing-Brown encourages everyone to be allies in making a difference in organizational and community diversity.  Marginalized people generally don't have the connections and resources to influence systemic change. Causes led by one person rarely make meaningful headway towards changes in organizational systems in government, businesses and non-profits, neighborhoods or families.  Allies are needed in the cause.  Society will benefit from strong allyship.  (This is a new word for me, too.) 


"Allyship is a life-long process of building supportive associations and relationships based on trust, consistency, and accountability with marginalized individuals and groups. An ally actively promotes and aspires to advance a culture of inclusion through intentional, positive, and conscious efforts."  Do you care enough about living in a strong, vibrant community to practice allyship in your organization or community?  Do you have the courage to speak up even when it means upsetting the unspoken norm?


When you see someone being marginalized due to race, gender, education, economic status, disability, life experience, etc., I encourage all of us to have the courage to speak up for them.  Go to bat for them to be considered and supported.  When you see someone speaking up for the marginalized, support them.  Speak up in the moment.  Go beyond words and take action.  Ask others to join the cause of creating organizations and communities where all people have opportunities to have a meaningful life.

They Can't Read Your Mind. Tell Them You Appreciate Them.

By Cathie Leimbach • October 13, 2026
"I thought you knew I appreciated your work." Kate hadn't planned to say those words in a one-to-one. But when a team member told her, "I'm never quite sure whether you think I'm doing a good job," she was caught off guard. He was someone she relied on. He helped new colleagues settle in, handled difficult customers calmly, and often spotted problems before they got bigger. Of course she valued him. Then she tried to remember the last time she'd told him, and what she'd actually said. There was a quick "Thanks, everyone" at the end of a meeting. A "Great work" in a team email. But she couldn't recall ever telling him what she had noticed about his contribution. Kate had been worried about rising absences and a team that seemed less involved. Praise wouldn't explain or fix every issue. Still, this conversation raised a question she hadn't considered: how many people on her team were feeling their efforts weren’t noticed or appreciated? It's easy to assume people know we appreciate them, especially the ones who quietly get on with the job. We turn our attention to whatever needs fixing, and we don’t acknowledge the people who are doing good work. Meanwhile, people who never receive thanks start to wonder if they are noticed, pull back, stop offering their ideas, and start job hunting elsewhere. Try this week: Look for one contribution each person on your team is making . Tell them what you notice about their work and why it matters. Instead of simply saying, "Good job," try: "Thanks for staying ten minutes past shift change to walk Jamie through the new changeover on Line 3. She now knows exactly what to do instead of guessing." Three elements of meaningful praise are: Be specific. Name what they did and the effect it had. Keep it natural and proportionate. A quiet word can mean a lot. Recognition doesn’t have to be in front of the whole team. Let it stand on its own. Don’t add a "but" or a new request right after the positive feedback. Sincere, specific praise helps people feel seen. It builds rapport because you're showing you notice how they contribute, not just whether the task got done. And people are more likely to speak up and share ideas when they feel heard and connected to the people they work with.  Conversation is Where Leadership Happens™ How often does your appreciation go unspoken? Join our Workplace Conversations Clinic on October 19, 3:00 to 3:30 PM, live on Zoom. You'll practice giving praise that feels natural and helps people feel valued. You'll also have the chance to practice other difficult workplace conversations, from raising concerns to working through disagreements. Reserve your place here!

“All Good” is Never a Good Response

By Cathie Leimbach • October 6, 2026
“All good,” they said. But Sarah wasn’t so sure. In the team meeting, just two people did most of the talking. Team members who once offered ideas just waited for the meeting to end. Three people called in 'sick' on the day of our monthly planning and progress-review meeting. Today was just another day with her disengaged team. Sarah realized that whenever she asked others how things were going, she got the same response: “All good.” It never failed that within a day or two of what seemed like positive feedback, a problem surfaced. It might be that they didn't know how to proceed with a new project. Or they were trying to hide a mistake they made. Things definitely were not "All Good". Then, she thought about the questions she usually asked. “Everything on track?” “Will that be ready by Friday?” She wanted to know how her people were progressing with their work. But she had asked closed-ended questions, so she got brief responses that told her nothing. At her next one-to-one, she asked, “How have things been for you lately?” “Fine. Busy.” She almost moved on. But, instead, she dug a bit deeper. “What’s been making things especially busy?” This time, the answer was different. There were competing demands she hadn’t known about. A concern that had gone unspoken. And a feeling that nobody really talked anymore unless they needed help with something urgent. This one conversation provided important information. It gave her a place to start moving forward to improve engagement and results. If you can relate to Sarah's struggles, here are some tips to help you stay on top of how your employees' work is truly going. Absenteeism and disengagement can have many causes. We can't begin to understand them by accepting thoughtless answers. We need to create an environment where people feel comfortable sharing what’s really happening. Interpersonal rapport is essential. It grows through small moments: asking a thoughtful question, listening without rushing to solve a concern, remembering what someone said, and checking back. This week, try asking a couple of specific open-ended questions such as: “What’s been going well for you?" And "What’s been difficult?” Let the answers guide your next questions. Give the person room to share. Then, a few days later, follow up. “You mentioned the client report deadline was going to be hard to meet. How’s it going?” Then, "What help do you need?" When you take a few minutes for such check-ins, employees feel more supported than if you just ask, “How are you?”, as you are walking by. It indicates: I heard your concern. I remembered. I’m interested. I want you to succeed. Your team members are more likely to get involved, be honest with you, and share ideas when they feel heard and connected to the people they work with. Want to get more comfortable starting those conversations? Join our Workplace Conversations Clinic on October 19 to practice building interpersonal rapport through conversations that matter.  Reserve your place → [registration link]