Effective Managers & Coworkers are Kind
Cathie Leimbach • August 15, 2023
“We know that managers are the single biggest determinant of employee satisfaction, performance, and perceptions of well-being,” says McKinsey partner, Emily Field. Yet, too often they are considered just cogs in a wheel, taking instructions from above and pushing the people below to get results.
Often, employees experience their manager as a task master breathing down their back or neglecting them though they need help to succeed. However, effective managers are coaches. Such leaders care about both the people and the workplace results. Here are a few ways that managers can show they care for their team members as individuals and as employees.
- Say good morning to your colleagues. Take a quick walk around the office when you arrive and say hello to several coworkers who are already there. Acknowledge those who walk past your work station as they arrive.
- When working remotely, take a few minutes in the morning to call someone who told you they had an appointment with a medical specialist yesterday and ask how it went. Or, call a colleague who has just returned from vacation and ask them to share a couple of highlights from their time away.
- When you read in the newspaper that one of your colleagues children were the MVP in a sports game or won an academic award, congratulate your colleague in-person, by phone, text, or email.
- Ask others a question about themselves or about their workplace priorities this week. Really listen to their response. Ask a few follow-up questions to learn more.
- When you know a coworker has a big deadline or an unusually taxing workload, ask how you could help. If you can only spare 30 minutes, say “I could take 30 minutes today or tomorrow to help you. What would you like me to do?
- When someone can’t get away for coffee or lunch, grab something for them when you are getting your own.
Next week is “Be Kind to Humankind Week”. How will you show kindness to the people in your life at work and beyond? Click here for 15 ways you could express kindness at work.
Most leaders want better performance. They want employees who take ownership, meet expectations, solve problems, and continue growing. Yet many leaders seldom initiate performance conversations – and when they do, it doesn’t go well. Leaders often hesitate because they fear discouraging people. Employees, meanwhile, don't know if they are missing the target. This can be costly. Research highlighted in McKinsey's Courageous Conversations article found that organizations with strong performance practices are four times more likely to outperform their peers. Yet fewer than one-third of employees believe performance reviews actually help them improve. The problem is not just a lack of performance conversations. It's a lack of clarity. The article points to a simple but powerful distinction: separate the hardware of performance from the software of performance. The hardware includes facts, goals, KPIs, commitments, timelines, and standards. The software includes tone, timing, relationships, empathy, and intent. When leaders clearly explain the facts while delivering them with care and respect, employees become more receptive to improvement. Strong leaders don't judge people—they diagnose work. They focus on behaviors, actions, and results rather than character. They clarify expectations, provide coaching, and create frequent opportunities for alignment. In high-performing cultures, clarity isn't viewed as criticism. It is viewed as support. As the article notes, "Clarity is a kindness, and ambiguity is a burden." Employees deserve to know where they stand, what success looks like, and how to improve. When leaders provide that clarity with dignity and respect, performance conversations become growth conversations. And growth is where better results begin. Download the Performance Conversations: Hardware & Software Checklist for Leaders and learn how to have everyday performance discussions that include opportunities for growth, accountability, and stronger results.
Most workplace tension doesn't come from major conflicts. It comes from too few conversations. A disappointment that was never discussed. A broken agreement that was never repaired. Appreciation that was never expressed. Over time, these "withholds" create friction that slows collaboration, weakens trust, and makes even simple conversations feel difficult. The strongest teams don't avoid tension—they address it early. Research highlighted in a recent McKinsey article found that unresolved tensions can significantly reduce team effectiveness, while high-trust teams consistently outperform their peers. The difference isn't the absence of problems. It's the willingness to talk about them. One of the most practical leadership habits is creating regular opportunities for transparent interaction. That includes appreciation. People should hear what they're doing well far more often than they hear about their shortfalls. Specific, genuine recognition builds trust over time. Those trust deposits matter because once positive relationships are built, difficult conversation are more likely to accept the message . When correction is needed, reinforce that you value the person, even though they aren’t perfect. The goal is growth, not judgment. But leaders should be careful not to make appreciation transactional. If positive feedback has been absent for months, suddenly offering praise immediately before a critique usually feels insincere. Trust is built through a steady pattern of recognition, encouragement, and honest conversation—not a last-minute compliment. Transparent leaders also address issues early. Small frustrations become large resentments when left unresolved. Teams that clear the air quickly spend less energy managing tension and more energy producing results. The result? Less friction. More trust. Stronger relationships. Better performance. Because healthy conversations don't just solve problems—they strengthen the team. Free Leader Guide: 5 Practices for Trust-Building Conversations The best leaders don't wait for tension to become conflict. They build trust before it's needed. Download our 5 Practices for Trust-Building Conversations guide to learn practical ways to strengthen relationships, reduce friction, and create a culture where honest conversations lead to better performance. Download the guide and start building trust one conversation at a time.